Well, it is about time, isn’t it? Some brave, justice-seeking consumer in Florida has just filed a class action lawsuit accusing Kraft Heinz Foods Company of violating state and federal laws with their deceptive labeling on Velveeta microwavable Shells & Cheese cups.  Is the lawsuit against the manufacturer’s claim that Velveeta Mac and Cheese is actually food?  No!  The lawsuit is over preparation time.  The food giant states on the label that the super crappy, filled with additives, uber-processed meal will take three and a half minutes.  In reality however, according to the plaintiff, the time it takes for preparation, including removing the lid and cheese sauce pouch, as well as adding water, actually add sufficient time to the ordeal. (source)

Hooray for the plaintiff for getting her priorities straight and for having a magnificently care-free, illness-free, stress-free life such that she is in the position to have the money and the time (the irony is not lost here) to contact an attorney and go through the interview and lengthy paperwork process of creating a class action lawsuit against Corporate America.

Let this be a model for the rest of us to follow. There are, after all, so many false advertising claims that should be redressed in a court of law:

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√ “Your dog will love it!” false advertising/deceptive labeling claims by dog pillow/bed manufacturers everywhere.  Ridiculous. Over the years I have spent literally hundreds of hours of research and thousands of dollars on dog pillows/beds for three different dogs and none of them gave a damn about the pillows.  It did not matter what fabrics, what stuffing, what size, organic status, or what price range. Immediately following delivery, packaging removal and excited proclamations on my part, they chose the floor over the pillows. (Unless you count the times when I have been away or asleep, in which case, they all have chosen the forbidden sofa or guest room bed.)

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√ “Three easy steps!” false advertising/deceptive labeling claims on making repairs using the glue favorite of gorillas everywhere.  I don’t know what project these marketing geniuses have worked on, but you try their claims of “Damp it. Glue it. Clamp it.” to reaffix the small arms of a dancing frog Christmas tree ornament or the tiny metal post on the back of an earring.  And let’s not even get into the broken ceramic pot or cup.  Not gonna’ happen. And definitely not “easy”.

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√ “Good for you!” false advertising/deceptive labeling claims on so-called “healthy” cereals. They have “zero transfats”, are “naturally cholesterol-free” and are “an excellent source of B vitamins” okay, but fail to mention the 20 grams of sugar in every bowlful. Not to mention containing killer food additives like preservatives TBHQ, BHT and BHA.

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√  “Fall asleep faster, scientifically proven” false advertising/deceptive labeling claims on the effects of a heavily advertised sleep drug. The manufacturers claim that sleep effectiveness with their drug was “scientifically proven” to help you: Fall asleep 140% faster. How is this even possible? Sleep through the night by 260% more. Again, not possible. Wake up completely refreshed by 69% more. And have 80% enhanced focus & concentration. Clearly, the people writing, editing and approving the advertising copy all FAILED their Statistics 101 course.

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√ “Easy to open packaging!” false advertising/deceptive labeling claims.  Oh, get over it. Nothing packaged in the past 5 years is easy to open. From food and coffee, to batteries, to clothing, to OTC meds, to home repair items and everything in-between requires sharps, sometimes multiple tools, to open the packaging these days.  We got so tired of running up and down to the basement to retrieve tools at our house just to open simple products that we reorganized our kitchen shelves and created a “Package Opening Tools” drawer.  This is a class action lawsuit just waiting to happen.

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Shaun, BigEffingMess